Mother’s day is always such a wonderful time! But I know…this is a strange one to say the least. If you do not live with your mom, this will be a hard one to take. As a daughter, I miss my mother who left us several years ago, every single day. As a mom, I miss my child who no longer lives nearby just as much. I am, however, incredibly blessed to have one of my children right here with me. So many moms will be alone this year.
If you are still under stay at home orders, spending the day with mom might be out of the question. You can send flowers, Amazon a gift to her, but this might be the year that’s just not going to cut it. I can remember always struggling to find ways to honor my mom on this special day. Nothing ever seemed to be special enough, sentimental enough, frankly just, large enough, to tell her what she meant to me.
My Beautiful Mom
I will forever be grateful that I was able to spend my Mom’s last Mother’s Day with her. I missed so many over the years! But that one, was just the most perfect day! She had just gone through an incredibly tough year but she was always a fighter. She was upbeat and happy that day. So much herself yet something was different.
She had fought through several cancers in her life and her strength had always amazed me. Dad had passed much earlier, so she was alone for a long time. Still, she fought for her life with everything she had. So many different surgeries and she made it through them all with that incredible will to live. What was different that last Mother’s Day occurred to me a long time later.
I was having a hard time dealing with the grief when she left us. Then one day it hit me. The difference. She was at peace. Sometime that year, she had come to terms with her own mortality. She had never said anything. Didn’t make a big deal of it. But she had decided on her own that she was ready. Whatever happened now, she was ready. I guess you could say she was tired and I’m sure there was that. But that wasn’t it. It was a peace she had found. The peace that came from taking stock of her life, being happy with the way she’d lived it, and being ready to move on. There is not a doubt in my mind on that.
That realization was such a gift to me. It took me through my grief and changed me for the better in so many ways. If she had died earlier, in one of her surgeries, fighting to hang on, the grief would have been so much greater. Instead, while you can never be ready to lose someone so important, the knowledge that she left this earth on her own terms, when she was ready, somehow made it easier to bear. That knowledge brings peace to me as well.
A Precious Gift for Your Mother
As a mom, I can tell you the greatest gift you can give a mom is your time. So how can you do that in today’s crazy world? It’s simple. Pick up the phone. That’s it! We always try to make it much more difficult than it needs to be. All she really wants is to hear your voice tell her that you love her. She wants a real conversation. One that goes way beyond the one you have with a mere acquaintance. You do not need to tell her she’s done everything right in raising you. Of course she didn’t. None of us do. But for all the times you’ve pointed out her errors, maybe this time, tell her what she’s done right. Tell her the things she’s done to make you who you are. The good part of you. She most definitely had a hand in that.
Stop trying to figure out what you can order online! She doesn’t need it. That phone call, the FaceTime call, or a drive by wave, that’s what will make her day. This has been a tough year for all of us. Something we were not prepared for and are struggling to get through. I believe it is hardest on our elderly. It’s true…that generation has weathered so many storms through the years. They are tough, they are resilient, and they are optimistic. But…although most would not admit it, especially to those they love, they are scared. Frightened of being taken down before they are ready. Worried about you and how you will get through it all.
Time. Your time. That’s what a mom needs. Whether she is 50 or 85, she needs your time. No matter what your situation is, give her that. Someday you will understand that this year, you will have given her the greatest gift of all.
If you have to…
If you absolutely cannot fathom the thought of no physical gift, here are few beautiful Mother’s Day sayings you can print and send. They are not a replacement for your time. They are simply an addition. I have loaded these into the library and as a member simply click here, type in your password, and print. If you haven’t yet joined us, you can sign up below, confirm your subscription, and an email with your password will be sent to your inbox.
We will all get through this. There will be time for the Mother’s Day Brunch with the whole family. You will get to surprise her and show up at her door with a huge bouquet after a long flight home next year. There are wonderful days ahead. But for now…just pick up the phone.