For those of you who follow the blog, you know My Home of All Seasons is here in Colorado. While I wasn’t born and raised here, it has been my home since 1982. I do not have the “native” bumper sticker with the mountains in the background on my car. I list Ohio as my birthplace on all paperwork. But both my children were born here and to me, it is most definitely Home.
THIS IS BOULDER
If you have been watching the news then you have a different picture in your mind. One filled with crime scene tape, swat teams, and grieving people consoling each other. That is also an accurate picture of Boulder today and for a long time to come. But I know a different Boulder.
The Boulder I know is a quick 35 minutes up the road. It’s a Friday night football game between CU and CSU where your team can’t possibly lose because you love them both. THIS IS BOULDER.
It’s memories of a Saturday afternoon shopping trip with your daughter for some “girl time,” and her happiness with being there. THIS IS BOULDER.
It’s a Sunday drive on a lazy summer day with the most gorgeous scenery. THIS IS BOULDER.
… And it’s a must stop for any Colorado parent in their child’s senior year. THIS IS BOULDER.
We made it through Columbine. We made it through the Aurora theater shootings, Stem School and many others. Once again #Colorado Strong is everywhere on my facebook feed. It’s true. We are. But the grief is sometimes overwhelming. I have not personally lost anyone yet I feel the loss of all.
I remember dropping my son off at his high school on the 10th anniversary of Columbine. The news the night before detailed all the threats of violence aimed at schools throughout the city. Most were from kids simply hoping their school would close for the day. Some were deemed credible. Already feeling apprehension, I was pulling out when I saw two kids get out of their car with trench coats. Almost hysterical, no not almost, clearly hysterical, I pulled back in, called the school office and waited in the parking lot crying my eyes out. Then I got a call from the resource officer saying everything was fine, the boys had no weapons, and I could go home. They were just “fooling around.” I died a thousand deaths in that parking lot.
I also remember walking out of a movie 2 minutes in, because someone seemed to be acting suspiciously to me. Aurora was still fresh in my mind.
Because of the pandemic, most of my groceries are delivered but I wonder how I will feel walking into a grocery store the next time. Right now I feel grief and anger. Will fear take over? I just don’t know.
The pandemic is almost over but what happens now?
I am a home decor blogger. That’s what I do. I’ve kept my political views to myself all through some terrible times when I wanted to scream. I will do so again today. Oh I have them! Believe me, I have them! But..this is not the platform to express them. I will do that through letters to my elected officials and with my vote.
This post is simply to acknowledge the senseless loss suffered in a place I love so much.
Boulder is a beautiful city. I’ve spent a lot of time there. I love the atmosphere, the beauty, and the energy that comes from any college town. I remember when I first moved here and we were deciding where to live, people would tell me how pretty Boulder was. That was always followed by “Of course, they are a bunch of tree huggers up there.” Very true and a fact that any Boulderite will verify with pride. THIS IS BOULDER.
It is inconceivable to me that because someone stopped to pick up a bag of chips, they are gone! In the blink of an eye..just gone. It is inconceivable to me that a devoted father who walked his daughter down the aisle a few short months ago will never meet his grandchild she now carries. That a young girl just starting her life went to work that day and never came home. A father of 7 who dedicated his life to serve and protect died doing exactly that. They are all gone!
I don’t know why it’s inconceivable to me. It happens everyday. It happened in Atlanta less than a week before. It is not inconceivable. I know that but yet I want it to be. I am so afraid that if I actually acknowledge that fact, I will become complacent. I can’t let that happen. I just can’t.
10 beautiful lives lost. 10 people with much more to learn, much more to teach, much more to give! 10 lives lost but countless others changed forever.
I have no answers here. There is nothing I can say to make it better. No words that can take away the trauma that has hit my state one more time. I just wanted to show you the beauty that is Boulder, to remember the amazing people that left us way too soon, and to remind myself to never, ever, accept that this is the norm. THIS IS BOULDER.
#COLORADO STRONG
Denise,
I am so sorry for your loss…I know that you did not lose anyone personally but I also know that you feel the loss of those lives deeply. We all do…But because it happened where you live, I can only imagine how you feel….Sending hugs to you and your family!!
hugs,
Debbie
Thank you Deb! There are so many families struggling right now, here, in Atlanta, and other cities that didn’t make the news. To have made it through the nightmare of Covid only to lose their lives this way is so heartbreaking!
You live in a beautiful community, which very unfortunately has had horrible things happen in it. I’m sorry. We live in the same country, and events across the nation make me view my high school differently, etc. As you struggle with your feelings, know that people across the nation are struggling as well – you are not alone in your fears or your sorrow.
Thanks so much Jeanne! Boulder is a beautiful place! They are a close community and it took less than a few hours for the go fund me started there to pay off Officer Tally’s home for his wife and kids. We are actually about 35 minutes away in a different suburb. Despite the growth, Parker has kept that small town feel that we fell in love with all those years ago. I am not naive enough to think that it cannot hit us here though. I don’t know what the answer is but something has to change in this country. My heart breaks for everyone that suffered loss this past year and I am praying 2021 is a much better year despite it’s rocky beginning. Thanks again Jeanne. Your kinds words are much appreciated.
Your Boulder is everyone’s Boulder, and we all own and every tragedy that hits us each day. I took the time to try to read each victim’s background story and it truly was heartbreaking. I really don’t have the answers to this senselessness, but I know our God is a just God. If city councils and politicians can’t fix what’s wrong in our world, I know God will.
The background stories are always so heartbreaking but I’m so glad you took the time to read them. I think it’s so important for all of us to do. Logically, we all know it can hit us where we live but there is still a sense of shock when it does. I think that’s a good thing though. To become numb to it is to accept it and we can never do that. Prayer is a powerful thing and needs to be constant to get through these awful times.
Once again, the words you put to “paper” have me sobbing. Although I also feel the grief of this terrible tragedy in my adopted state, I hadn’t really stopped to cry about it. To let some of the grief out. Thank you for pulling together the story of the Boulder that I came to love with the heartbreak of what is going on now. Because of your blog, I can let myself indulge in some cleansing tears before drying my eyes and doing whatever I can to help change our communities into a better place for all of us.
Thank you Rhonda! The fact that you can grieve this terrible loss and at the same time look forward with a resolve for change gives me so much hope! I think maybe Boulder is so beautiful not only because of the scenery that surrounds it, but because of the people who call it home. I have watched night after night as they gather to console each other, honor their neighbors, and help each other find a forward path. Although I don’t see it on my nightly news, I know they are doing the same in Atlanta. I was feeling sorrow and anger when I wrote this post. Thanks for the reminder that although those emotions are normal, it’s what comes next that will make a difference!